As far as I can remember, I never felt like I belonged in this world. I came through it, but was not from it.
Being a hypersensitive person means lacking all filters that dampen outside stimuli and information. I would compare it to being touched after having peeled off your skin … not a very pleasant idea! I always experience the world in its most raw, intense state. It usually takes all my energy to stay present.
Although I evolved strategies to keep my exposure to unwanted ‘energy drains’ to a minimum, my early childhood was rather traumatic for me. I feel like I froze the moment I was born. I felt like Leeloo in the Fifth Element when learning what the human race is doing to itself.
The utter dis-ease and nausea I felt at the time had nowhere to go. The only way I found to give my feelings a voice was to stop eating. My eating disorder lasted for more than ten years and robbed me of most of my childhood and adolescence. Although this sounds cliche, I would never trade this experience for the world. What it gave me, or made me be, is endlessly more precious than any pain could make me forget.
Also, it made me collide with so many wonderful souls that bore similar burden and I grew every single time from it. I will never forget a particular encounter with a girl named Mel. We never actually met. Instead, we wrote each other every single day, sometimes several times a day, and spoke to each other a few times on the phone. Mel was in institutionalised care in a different country for borderline disorder and her tendency to harm herself. We grew closer every day and soon there was nothing off limits, off topic that we did not talk about. As a hypersensitive person, you learn to evade too strong of an outside stimulation and when you venture in uncontrolled environments never without a pervasive, lingering wariness. With Mel, there was no such feeling. We let each other in completely, unconditionally. We learned so much about each other and about ourselves because we turned ourselves inside-out in the process. At the end there was no corner of our consciousness that we had not exposed and explored, together. Unfortunately we lost contact, most likely because she was transferred to another institution. I did never find her again.
In your own life, be open and vulnerable. You will be stronger and happier for it, and you will attract the right kind of people in your life. If only a single person opens up to you to the extent that I experienced with Mel, there will be nothing else you will ever need in this lifetime. You will have found life’s true and only purpose.